1. Professional Fart Smeller

Hmmm, I’m getting notes of sandalwood, rosemary and a hint of boiled cabbage…

I kid you not; there are people out there being paid to smell others’ farts and diagnose physical health based on their various odours. And not only that, it pays well, with reports of professional fart smellers in China being paid up to US$50,000 per year.

And you say your job stinks. Read on.

According to Chinese news sources, the hottest career in health and physical well-being right now focuses entirely on analysing the smells of others’ rectal gas.

By picking up on traces sweet, savoury, bitter and even meaty aromas, these brave anal analyzers are allegedly able to identify illnesses and pinpoint their location in the body.

According to the smellsperts, extremely stinky farts indicate bacterial infection in the patient’s bowels or intestines. A raw, fishy or meaty smell, meanwhile, could point to infection in the digestive organs or even highlight the presence of bleeding or tumours in the intestinal lining. Finally, the presence of garlic or chives in our farts is thought to be an indicator that we’re consuming too much of the foods in question, which could ultimately result in inflammation of the small or large intestines.

But it’s not just the whiff of our farts that gives telltale signs about our health. The group also claims to be able to tell a lot about a person’s physical wellbeing by measuring the amount of gas expelled with each fart, with enormous guffs suggesting that we’re consuming too much fibre and mere whispers hinting at intestinal obstruction.

But before you pack your bags and move to China to seek your fortune, you should know that it’s not all fun and games in the world of anal aroma analysis! 

Those hoping to break into the industry must be aged 18-45, completely abstain from smoking and alcohol, and be free of any kind of nasal impairment or related illness. If you fit the bill, you must then undergo a series of smell recognition tests and complete a long training course. Only then, ladies and gentlemen, only then will you receive your certification to smell other people’s farts on a daily basis!

Sounds like a pretty awful career to me, but then again, after spending the day with your nostrils filled with noxious gas, everything else in the world must smell like a trip to the Body Shop with rose petals stuffed up your nose…

2. Professional Cuddler

At the age of 30, Samantha Hess is a professional cuddler. For $60 an hour, she'll intimately snuggle with strangers of all types, and bring them one-on-one cuddle time without the complications of a relationship.

The idea came to her in 2012, when she read an article about a guy with a "Free Hugs" sign at a local Saturday market. Another man stood next to him with a "Deluxe hugs, $2" sign, and ended up getting more hugs than the first guy.

"That was my lightbulb moment," Hess says. "I was at a place in my life, out of a 13-year relationship, where I needed a service that didn't exist. I was struggling and not ready for another relationship but still had an inherent need to be accepted and loved."

Hess didn't know where to turn. She wanted physical comfort that was safe and socially acceptable to reach out to.

So in May 2013, she started Cuddle Up To Me. A month later, a local newspaper featured her business in its annual "Best of Portland" issue, which helped the company gain traction. From there, the story spread to more than 40 TV stations across the country, accumulating over 17 million views — and her business took off.

Currently, professional cuddling is her only job, and Hess says she is making far more money from this business than she did in her previous jobs as a customer service representative or personal trainer.

"It's definitely enough to make a living just doing this job, and I never need to take more than five sessions a day," she says. By working six days a week, Hess can make up to $7,200 in a month.

About 90% of her clients are men between the ages of 20 and 75, and she says many suffer from severe traumatic diseases or disabilities that prevent them from having frequent human contact. 

"I call my service a 'massage for the mind,'" Hess says. "It's meant to rejuvenate you and make you feel that openness and happiness in your brain by resetting your system from top to bottom."

Within 24 hours of her first session with a client, Hess usually gets a phone call or email about how much it meant to them. "I can't tell you how many times I've had to turn down tips, because people are so excited about it," Hess says.

What makes her service so great? Hess loves each and every one of her clients with a "human grace." "It's about being able to genuinely look anyone in the eye and make them feel loved and accepted exactly as they are," she says. "My clients know that I don't judge them at all; I just accept people." She treats everyone like her family, no matter who they are.

Plus, Hess will go almost anywhere for a cuddle session, whether it's a love seat in a movie theatre, local park, or their bedroom. What's most important to her is keeping her client comfortable. She has pre-arranged cuddle mixes and meditation music to set the mood. Hess will even wear make-up, a certain color of clothing, or specific hairstyle if her clients request it.

For her clients who are less comfortable with physical contact, she also created her own cuddling positions.

"The Tarantino," for example, is for those who want to keep their personal space. "We sit facing each other with a good three feet between us, but our knees go over each other's, and we're cuddling with our legs and arms," Hess says.

Although rewarding, Hess' work doesn't come without challenges. "It can be a little tough, because my clients get extremely attached to me," she says. One gave her a physical key to their heart. "It was the sweetest thing, but I had to remind him what the service is, and that we weren't going to be anything romantic," she recalls.

She is quick to prevent any inappropriate actions, through her in-person vetting process, a full-page waiver with preset rules and boundaries, and transparency with her clients. "In our culture, the only experience someone has with this kind of touching has been in a romantic sense," Hess says. "It's not always easy for people to switch their brains to simply being platonic about it."

Hess emphasizes that it is only appropriate to touch her where it would be OK to touch a child. If she's uncomfortable with anything, she gives her client two taps to signal for them to stop. "If they're looking for a replacement for sex, they're not going to be happy with my service," she says.

This work also comes with its share of emotional burdens. "It can be very draining," she says. "Some people have difficult emotional issues they want to talk to me about during our sessions." To cope with this, she meditates before every session. She also showers and changes into different clothes afterward, because she wants to make sure she's completely fresh in both her mind and her body before taking on her next client.

Hess has a boyfriend who is very accepting of her service. "He knows what I do is a form of therapy and that it really makes a difference to people," she says. 

Next month, Hess will open her first retail store and create a national cuddling certification through a 40-hour training program. "This is my life's work. I want to change the view of Western culture on platonic touch," she says. "Everybody should have a way to reach out and feel comfortable with that."

3. Professional Pet Food Taster

Pet owners sneaking a nibble or two out of their pets’ bowls, out of curiosity, is completely understandable. But eating dog food for a living? Now that’s pretty hard to digest!

But ‘professional dog food taster’ is a real job, and it apparently pays quite well. An entry level position in the quality department would typically pay about $30,000 a year, while an ‘experienced professional’ could draw up to $75,000.

So what exactly does the job entail? Well, as the name suggests, it pretty much involves tasting dog food to make sure it meets a premium brand’s exacting quality standards. Tasters regularly open sample tins of each freshly made batch of dog (or cat) food, and then proceed to smell it, and eat it.

Professional tasters are trained to identify flavors that dogs tend to enjoy or reject. “Although dogs’ palates are different to ours, taste is an important quality to check to ensure each different ingredient is perfectly balanced in just the right way,” said Philip Wells, chief taster at Lily’s Kitchen pet food. “Trying the food is also a good way to pick up on the nuances of the cooking: this works especially well on the dry kibbles,” he added.

Wells said that he quite likes the food, and he doesn’t really have a problem with the tasting. He explained that the meat used in pet food has to be derived from animals passed as fit for human consumption, under the Animals Feed Regulations 2010, and his firm uses ‘human-grade freshly prepared raw food’ in all its recipes.

But he did admit that there are some “pretty gruesome pet foods out there”, and although he doesn’t taste them, “the smell is enough to turn the stomach” when he does a bit of market research.

Despite the high-pressure deadlines and the occasional surprises, Wells said that he pretty much enjoys his job, and finds it rewarding because it helps pets become happier and healthier. And the best part – he gets to work with a ‘key member’ of the tasting team – Lily, the border terrier.

4. Professional Hitchhiker

Usually, it’s the drivers who help out hitchhikers by offering them a ride, but in Indonesia’s capital city, it’s the other way around. Professional hitchhikers get paid to ride in complete strangers’ cars and help them reach their destination faster.

The world’s sixth largest metropolis, Jakarta has a population of over 30 million and around 20 million registered cars. Unfortunately, its infrastructure is far less advanced than that of other large cities like New York, Tokyo or Singapore, which means traffic is terrible. In order to ease jams, authorities have created “Three in One” zones which can only be accessed by vehicles carrying at least three passengers. The measure was successful to some extent, only it also spawned a whole new industry – professional hitchhiking. 

Every morning, poor Indonesians from the outskirts of Jakarta can be seen lining the sidewalks near entry points to Three in One zones, offering themselves to commuters in a hurry. They are known as jockeys, and unlike regular hitchhikers, they don’t raise their thumbs up to drivers, but their index finger to signal a jockey working solo, and the extra middle finger to signal a couple, usually a mother and a baby.

In a country where most people live on less than a dollar a day, these professional hitchhikers can earn up to $7.50 for a few hours of pretending to be someone’s employee, son or friend. Picking up hitchhikers to access forbidden areas of Jakarta is illegal, so the jockeys have to help the drivers stopped by policemen convince them they actually know each other. 

Cars picking up jockeys risk fines of up to 1 million rupiah ($106), but corruption in Indonesia’s capital is rife, and offenders often get off the hook with a 200,000 rupiah ($21.20) bribe. Mothers with babies as young as two months have an advantage over the competition because they count as two people and take up less space, but clean clothes and an overall tidy appearance also give jockeys an edge, as no one wants to sit next to someone who smells bad.

Professional hitchhiking may seem like a great way to make a living for poor Indonesians, but the truth is they expose themselves to risks every time they set foot in a stranger’s car. Women are often sexually harassed, and if caught red handed by police, they risk up to 12 months in jail. Also, it’s not the most certain job in the world. Jockeys sometimes travel from villagers around the city and wait for hours without making any money. Still, for many of them, it’s the only way get by. 

Drivers on the other hand are happy to pay a small price for shortening their daily commute. On rainy days, it can take over three hours to reach their destination without picking up jockeys, so it’s safe to say they are a blessing to those who can afford them.

The professional hitchhiking industry is booming, but its days may be numbered as authorities plan to discourage the practice by replacing Three in One zones with toll roads. Also, in 2012 the country has secured a $1.3 billion loan from Japan to build a rapid transit system, but things are moving very slowly.

5. Professional Applauder

Hiring people to applaud dramatic performances was common in classical times. These people are also known as claqueurs. For example, when the Emperor Nero acted, he had his performance greeted by an encomium chanted by five thousand of his soldiers.

This inspired the 16th-century French poet Jean Daurat to develop the modern claque. Buying a number of tickets for a performance of one of his plays, he gave them away in return for a promise of applause. In 1820 claques underwent serious systematization when an agency in Paris opened to manage and supply claqueurs.

By 1830 the claque had become an institution. The manager of a theatre or opera house was able to send an order for any number of claqueurs. These were usually under a chef de claque (leader of applause), who judged where the efforts of the claqueurs were needed and to initiate the demonstration of approval. This could take several forms. 

There would be commissaires ("officers/commissioner") who learned the piece by heart and called the attention of their neighbors to its good points between the acts. Rieurs (laughers) laughed loudly at the jokes. Pleureurs (criers), generally women, feigned tears, by holding their handkerchiefs to their eyes. Chatouilleurs (ticklers) kept the audience in a good humor, while bisseurs (encore-ers) simply clapped and cried "Bis! Bis!" to request encores.

The practice spread to Italy (famously at La Scala, Milan), Vienna, London (Covent Garden) and New York (the Metropolitan Opera). Claques were also used as a form of extortion, as singers were commonly contacted by the leader of applause before their debut and forced to pay a fee, in order not to get booed.

The staging of the opera Tannhäuser was withdrawn by its composer, Richard Wagner, from the Parisian operatic repertory after the claque of the Jockey Club derisively interrupted its initial performances.

Later Toscanini and Mahler discouraged claques, as a part of the development of concert etiquette.

Although the practice mostly died out in Europe and America during the mid-20th century, it has continued in Russia, most famously with the Bolshoi Ballet.

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